Backstabbing

Tell me does it hurt you when I kick you? Cause it hurts me when you stab me in the back.
I’ve put up with your sorry ass for quite some time now. With your talking behind my back, with you badmouthing me.

And it’s a shame really, because you used to be half decent. You actually had potential of becoming a decent human being. And now look at you, trying to make everybody look worse then you. So desperately trying to make yourself look better. Is it integrity you lack, or are you really just that insecure? Tell me, what went wrong?
You used to be fun to be around, you had morals and what not. What happened? Is it because you had a ruff childhood? Did your mom deny you hugs and kisses as a kid?

Honestly I’m dying to know what sorry excuse you came up with in that sick little head of yours to justify your actions. Because I’m sure you have a conscious, at least you used to. But then again, you’ve changed so much so that might have changed too.

And I’m not telling you this, because I hate you, or because I just felt like being harsh to somebody. I’m telling you, because I’m fed up with it. I’m done and I’m not having it anymore. After this, I’m washing my hands of you. I just hope you’ll find a mirror soon enough and realize that you do still have some potential of being half decent.
I just won’t be around to see it happen.

Peace!

I’m usually in this alone, and I’m not right now. So that’s kind of weird and it takes a little getting used too. So bare with me…

Hesitation…

I just need a little push, that’s all…

Spaces

I can only see right in front of me, I can only overlook the space between us, you and I.
Like tunnel vision. And when I think of you, I think of what you might mean to me, of what you might think of me and overall just how much I occupy your mind.

But I sometimes forget, that you can turn around. That even though I only see you and the space between us, you and I , you can always turn around and see others.

There’s more to you then what I can see, and there’s more to you then me.

Off course I can turn around as well, and I do. But when I think of you, I think of the space between us, you and I.

But that doesn’t mean that you do too…

Rain

I love the sun , I do. I love the way it warms me, and the way it gives me a reason to smile.
But I also love the rain. I love seeing it coming down, I love feeling it on my skin, I love tasting it on my lips.

The rain washes a way my cares, it makes me feel alive, it makes me want to dance. It makes me want to love and laugh, it just makes me feel free.

I can honestly say that there are only a few things I find as delightful as dancing in the pouring rain. It makes me feel “earthy”. It makes me feel alive.

I love feeling alive.

Exclamation point !

When I talk about having a good time, I talk about something else then what happened last weekend. Because that was just, AMAZING. It was absolutely fantastic!

Great people, great music, shitty weather, and great spirits!

I had a blast!!

Big Conversations

You bothered? ‘Cause I’m not bothered.
Untrue, I am bothered, big time.
And I know if I address it, discuss it and just talk about it, it would be better. But better for whom? For me, that’s right. But what about people around me? What about them?

I’ve been feeling like scratching out my eyeballs all day, and ok, that’s never a good thing, and ok, that’s usually a sign that I might want to address what’s bothering me. But the reason I’ve been feeling like scratching out my eyeballs isn’t so much because something’s bothering me (Let’s be clear though, something IS indeed bothering me very much). It’s mostly because I don’t feel like I can discuss it. Because of earlier mentioned other people.

I know the right thing to do is to sit them down, and have a conversation with them about this. Or maybe it isn’t and I’m just hormonal and I’ll feel completely different tomorrow, and everything will be right as rain. Or maybe it won’t and I will have to have that big conversation with them. Who knows.. all I know is that I suck at the big conversations, so I’m kind of hoping the whole “everything is right as rain- thing” will work out tomorrow.

Annoyed

I hate it when I get all anxious and annoyed, over something that isn’t going my way and that I wish would go easier. I get really annoyed when I try to make plans with people, and it doesn’t go fluently. When I have to keep calling everybody every five minutes to deliberate.
It makes me want to say, ahh f*ck it, I’m calling it off, I’m not going.
But I have to keep reminding myself, that it’s for a greater good, that in the end, we will all go, and we’ll probably have a great time. All I have to do is put on my party pants.

So I just write a song or two to calm myself down a little bit, and keep in mind the fun I’ll have tomorrow. If I find time, I should iron my party pants, cause I’ll want them to look fabulous tomorrow!