Anger in its purest form

Fake smiles, and friendly advice…

Feel my anger-fuelled wrath!!

Lies of omission

and little white ones too

- You don’t tell your dad that he’s being an idiot if you know it’ll come back to bite not only you, but also your other family members, on the ass. (Even though you think he is being an idiot)

- You don’t tell your best friend that you absolutely hate her boyfriend and that you wish he would just crawl into a whole and die or something. (Even though you think he is and you wish he would)

- You don’t tell your wife her ass looks big in that new dress she bought. (You think she looks fat in everything these days, but there’s no point telling her that and risking an entire night sleeping on the coutch)

- You don’t tell your friends that they’re fat, even when they ask you.

- You don’t tell your great-aunt that her hat looks asinine, especially when you’re at her husbands funeral. That would just be uncalled for. (Despite the fact that it’s a really ugly hat and that the fact that your great-uncle died is no reason to dress up so badly)

- You don’t tell your friend who just broke up and who is heartbroken, that her ex was actually the biggest, the kindest and most gorgeous gentlemen you’ve ever encountered in your natural born life. You’d probably go with: “ well, he was a jerk anyway!” (Even though in any other situation you’d do him yourself)

- You don’t tell your very conservative and religious grandma, that you had sex before you got married. You don’t want to give the old fart a heart-attack. (Even though you did...a lot)

- You don’t tell your friends that the child they created is actually a demon child that should be put out of it’s own demonic and ugly misery. (Even though you bought a small hand-gun and left the child alone with it , supposedly unaware of it being loaded)


It does make one wonder who came up with the whole ‘stick-with-the-truth-and-you-can’t-go-wrong-thing’, right?

Bomb

“It’s like a bomb that kept exploding…”
-Carrie Bradshaw-

And it still is…

I don’t need you to be my lover, to be my father, to hold my hand
I don’t need your arms around me

I don’t need the dream of you and me, the stories about the others, your explanations or your puppy dog eyes

But most of all, what I don’t need is your pity

All I need, and all I want from you, is for you to be there
Not as a lover, not as a keeper, but as a friend
I thought you got that by now…

Cold-hearted bastard

During that whole time, I was never worried, I never once found myself startled or frightened.
I assumed you were going to be fine, and considering the odds I never found that strange. But even when the odds changed and things got riskier, I just assumed everything would turn out fine. Which thankfully turned out to be the case.

I couldn’t stand people’s Armageddon approach, expecting the worst and preparing for it, I didn’t get why you were going along with those people. And honestly, I still can’t get myself to look at it that way. People thought I was cold because of it, and in retrospect I thought I was too, but I couldn’t pretend to feel things I didn’t feel. I simply chose then and I still choose now, to be and stay positive.

But the other day, when I tried to wake you and you didn’t respond immediately. When it took me a few nudges and pushes to get you out of your dream world…that was the first time I felt scared. That was the first time I thought: “what if she…”

I remember thinking it and the thought crossing my mind. And as you slowly woke from your seeming comatose state, I smiled. Because you woke up, but also because it showed that I am still human and that I’m in fact not a cold-hearted bastard.

Love you, and'I hope you continue to do well…

So yeah…I did the whole speech thing.
Although it was a better speech on paper, or in my head than it was in reality.
I started with :…uhm, well uhm, you see…
And I finished with the words:…so yeah…that’s sort of it…kinda yeah. So there.

The parts in the middle I hardly remember. It was a big blur of words and sidetracks to not be straight to the point, which in the end I had to be, and which in the end I therefore was.

I’m pretty happy and proud that I actually had the balls to do my degenerate, downscaled and structure lacking speech. It made me feel like an ass but it made me feel good as well.

The biggest reason for me feeling good about it all, was that you let me walk out of there with dignity.

So for that , I thank you.

Eyes Dry

With my eyes dry I cry silently
With pressure amounting on my chest
The air pushed out of my lungs

Consciously I’m over this, consciously I’m done with you
And still, I cry silently

Restless sleep, frantic dreams
Waking with feelings of fear

Screams inside get louder
As breathing becomes harder and my heart gets heavier

I don’t cry, because consciously I just don’t want to
But silently and with eyes dry, I do
With pressure amounting on my chest, and the air pushed out of my lungs, I cry silently for you…