Oh boo hoo…the big bad world’s so scary…

right…

Tomorrow I’ll have a test…a fairly big test I might add…And Inevitably enough, the now inevitable will happen. Off course it wasn’t inevitable until I decided it would be.
It wasn’t inevitable until I decided I was afraid to fail, which is ironic seeing as tomorrow, I inevitably will.

Now the shallow and obvious reason for my failure would be the following: I didnt study, or at least I didn’t start studying soon enough. And the obvious reason for that would be, that I just didn’t feel like it.

Ha ha!
But that’s what I want you to think. Because you see, what really is the case is that I\m afraid to fail. So to make my failure, which I’m sure will occur, less bad, I put in an amount of effort that is obviously insufficient and that way I can blame, or reduce my failure to a lack of interest rather then to a lack of brains.

And really this is a micro example of a system that can be translated to my entire life. Because I’m scared of ‘the big bad world’. I’m so scared I won’t be able to take it on…that I don’t even bother trying.

So in consequence, I find my self just being here to be here…

And school wise it’s not the end of the world…because you see I can redo the three tests that I’ve blown this period…I have a second chance at them…

But some little birdy told me that life isn’t particularly full of second chances. So I really should get over myself...preferably sometime soon, before I miss out on some big stuff, something like life for example…

Because this way I’m going nowhere fast…

I guess in this case I’d love to have my female sense of direction and orientation work for me, so I can get lost on my way to nowhere and end up somewhere…

( I’ve written this just now…and already I’m thinking if I’m not just full of shit…If I’m not just a lazy ass f*ck…oh well…)