‘Chickened out of love ?’Scratch that

more like chickened out of life…

I’ve written about this plenty of times, And I’ll write about it plenty more until I finally take that self-esteem class...

I ‘m scared of going to peoples houses I’ve never been to be for. Why? Because I don’t know what the other people who live there will think of me, and whether they’ll like me.

I’m not too into going to party’s where I don’t know many people for the same reason as stated above.

I’m not into wearing clothes that are “different” because well, what will people think of me? Will they think I’m cool because I’m not afraid to be different? Or will they think I look like a fool and point, stare and laugh at me??

I’m not into change, cause god forbid anything turn out less good then it is now. Of course there’s a chance that things will improve, but there’s always a chance that things will get worse. So I’m sticking to everything as I know it.

I’m scared of going out to clubs. Now this is something I rarely admit, because it’s very uncool and it kind of means I think other people think I’m a geek or something. I’m scared of going out to clubs, because I’m afraid of getting denied access to the clubs at the front door. Now I know that that’s ridiculous, considering the fact that I have been out numerous times and I’ve only been denied access to one joint, where I was denied because I was 18 while I had to be 21 to get in.

I ‘m afraid of singing in a small crowed because then I can see the judgement on peoples faces, then it’s so intimate and close that I feel so exposed. I much rather stand on a stage and perform then be in a living room in front of 4 people.

I’m scared of sharing my feelings face to face, because I can’t deal with people possibly judging me, telling me things I know but don’t want to hear, telling me things I know and need to hear, and thinking I’m a complete woos.

I’m a chicken, and I reallllllly need to do something about my self-confidence cause this just doesn’t make any sense at all.