Every time I’m nothing next to excepting the fact that I am the way I am, that I look the way I do, that my butt is a bit bigger then your average, that my stomach is a bit fatter then your average, that I ‘m bigger then a size 4.
I see myself in pictures, I see my self in mirrors, and the beauty of my face that I do see, fades away in the shade of my body.
I’ve stopped wanting to look like my friends, slim and tall, at least most of the time. Nowadays I just wish I’d completely and truly except me for me and not see the way I look as a hurdle in life, in love and in living. I wish I could be completely comfortable with myself the way I am. With all of my curves, and every single part of me. Because I enjoy being fat? No, but because some part of me knows that it shouldn’t be a hurdle, that the way I look isn’t a reason for people not to like me, for people not want to talk to me, to not want to be seen with me and to not love me.
I know all that stands in the way of me being completely comfortable with myself isn’t them and what they might think and what they probably don’t think… it’s me and my insecurities.
It’s this that makes me sad at times, when I see myself in pictures and I’m unable to see myself as the loving funny and liked person I am but only as the girl with the fat ass, or the stomach that’s bigger then that of the girl standing next to her.
I’m so exhausted with myself for using it as an excuse, and for resorting to the “yeah-well- I’m-fat-card” every time something personal doesn’t work out and for seeing only that.
I’m fed up. I wish I could…
3 comments:
oh baby..
you are absolutely gorgeous, and not just your face, but you have a beautiful bod as well.
You are curvy and beautifully proportioned and you're right, you should accept you.
because you're stunning.
x.
sweetheart - you should never let that get you down.
even though I do not see you very often - I really think you are one of the most beautiful people I know, inside and outside. you have that thing - you shine on the outside because everything you say or do is real. and people feel that.
one of the best talks I ever had was with you (on a beautiful summer night in spain) and I think you should realize the effect you have on people. the world already accepts and loves you for who you are, you should do that too.
X.
Thanks for your kind words, the both of you.
But I was just wondering, who's anonymous??
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