Test of my social skills , and the balls I claim to have

So today I took the first active step. I’ve tried to put it off for as long as I could, tried to deny I had to do it, and actually sabotaged myself so I couldn’t go any earlier. But in three weeks, it’s going to be time to face the music.

I’ll be off the planet, I’ll be in a world where nobody can reach me, and nobody can’t find me, except racist farm boys maybe.

I’ll be taken out of my comfort zone and go to a place that supposedly in no way could be considered a step up or a horizontal change of scenery. I’ll be doing a step down.

But positive as I always try to be ( I know you can hardly tell from what I’ve written so far), I’m considering this an opportunity to learn how to be alone and outside of my comfort zone, for more than one day. So far I’ve never been away from people I felt good around for more than one evening, I always had somebody there to reassure me. Now there won’t be. I’ll be completely and totally alone…alone without anybody I know. On the other hand, I’ll get to use my people skills and see how far they can get me.

Ambivalent about the situation is what I am, part of me is excited, and the other slightly bigger part is shitting her pants. Force of habit I guess. Not shitting my pants of course, I don’t do that. However I am prone to panicking when I have to step out of my comfort zone, which is why I’m always afraid to try new things.

In three weeks though, I will try something new, I’ll have to, and who knows…maybe I’ll end up liking it. If anything , I at least want to be able to say I tried!