or at least part of me is...
Beep! Beep!
My alarm clock..grmbl.. I hate that thing..
It's eight in the morning, that means it's time to get up.
I move my sheets and sit up straight. i stare at the wall for a couple of minutes as I try to wake up.
Useless..
I stand up and turn my body in a 90 degrees angle. I look into the mirror. I observe my body.
It still looks pretty much the same as it did yesterday.
I turn around and take a look at my but. "Yep, it's still there...still big and ehm.. beautiful?.."
I turn around again, as I lift my shirt. "Hmhm, the belly is also still present. Still flabby and prominent, but I guess that in a really weird way.. it looks kinda ok..
I put my shirt down and shake my head a little disappointed. Disappointed that nothing changed in my body in those 5 and a half solid hours of sleep.
Still kinda sleepy I walk to the bathroom and straight to the toilet. I stair at the wall, and as I wait for this part of the morning to be over I try to figure out what I dreamt last night. Something about me in somebody else’s close...oh well never mind.
I get up and flush as i walk over to the sink. Well, it's not really walking to the sink, because it's right next to the toilet. But anyways.. I walk over to the sink. The water starts running and i put a little bit of water in my hands. And as I'm about to splash a little of it into my face, I stop.
I'm looking into the mirror that hangs above the sink. I see my face transforming from natural and sleepy, to rather awake and grumpy.
What the fuck happened to my face!! A few minutes ago I couldn't see this, being very sleepy and standing to far away from the mirror, but now, I'm standing right in front of the mirror. Keeping my face just a couple of inches removed from the mirror.
I start counting the zits.. One, two three...oh and that one's disgusting.
What looked like not to optimal skin a few minutes ago now looks like a moon landscape..
What the fuck happened!
this wasn't the kind of change I had in mind...this is.. I mean..
I'm breaking out!
With that thought I seem to be calming down...
I look down and the water still seems to be filling the sink.
I look up again...Maybe I'm just breaking out, but maybe it's my body telling me something. Maybe it's my body telling me it wants to break out, and that it wants me to break out. Out of my bad habits.
The bad foods I eat, the hours i don't sleep, the alcohol I do drink, the exercise I don't do...all of it...
I guess I'm ready for a change...I guess I need a change, but I'm afraid of change...
I shake my head and reach for something on the shelf. It's my solution to the zit problem. If the zits go away I won't have to think about it...
So...never mind.
7 comments:
Yea.
This is the reason my mirror is the window on the other side of the street.
Hooray for you leaving the good side from diaryland to the darkside of blogspot. the darkside has cookies. *blinding smile*
I like your piece.
and hooray for Garnier's thingie. I love that one.
Is this the only way through which I can communicate with you on an at least somewhat honest level? If yes, so be it. Indeed, if I am correct at assuming I am one of the people who supposedly "think they know you", the more I learn about the developments going on in your little life, the more I begin to wonder how deep the lies and fronts that obviously have been there since probably somewhere middle childhood, actually go.
I get scared sometimes and feel helpless as your friend, wishing that you knew ME well enough to grasp the notion that whoever the evil pscyhotic bitch inside of you really is, and however much you hate her, in any and every case I will always love and accept you for who you are.
This not to be seen as an end, but a means; if you realize this, you might find a way to talk Frankly to at least one person, which just might help you see through the imaginary barricades and blocks (from understanding who you inevitably must become at all times; namely yourself)that you have undoubtedly erected in your mind, as most people have.
I am very sorry if this is not the correct way of adressing these kinds of things in a blog, but as I have stated before, so be it.
You are so full of shit.
I wonder why you lie so much. And I don't mean lying in the obvious sense; saying untrue things, although about the thigns that truly matter to you, yes, you do. But it's the lying in acting, putting up a front in which you actually sometimes, or even often, seem to get yourself to believe.
You seem not to allow yourself true emotions, afraid of finding nothing but hurt, and hatred.
One has to wonder; what are you so afraid of? What boogeyman have you constructed your own truth to be, that you build your world in roads running anywhere away from it?
I can only pray, and I do, that you will find the courage SOON.
Courage Under Fire.
You cannot be but a product of your life, at every endlessly minute moment and thus constantly.
Realize this, and then realize that from the point that the next bit of information is given to you it truly is your personal responsibility what you make of it.
You decide which way you develop, at the time that you decide that you are ready for it.
I have been on blogspot for ages and one or two comments maybe once a week.
Why are you so special you get 5 comments, the minute you sign on on blogspot! Huh? Huh?!
Well it's probably your adorableness and my boringness. *sigh*
Hehe thanks for all your comments baby. I feel so loved and not-boring now! :D
love you.
hope you're good/better.
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