Shitty…

I got off work a little bit early today.. earlier then usual, but still late. I got outside, and the wind was cold. I took off my scarf to really feel it. I untied my hair, and let it blow in the wind… I must have looked like Diana Ross. I walked past this gentleman, a fairly nice looking gentle, but I didn’t bother to look less shitty, or a little more human-like. I just walked on…

I got to this open space, and I started slowing down. I usually walk really fast, especially during the night and I’m alone. But tonight I just slowed down my pace. I threw my head back and watched the stars threw my hair which was being blown into my face…a beautiful sight.

I didn’t really feel like going home yet, but I knew I had nowhere else to go. I think that might have been the reason I slowed down my pace. I opened my jacket a little, I wanted to feel the wind blow threw me…I got to a road I had to cross, but I didn’t bother looking to see if I could cross it freely, or whether I’d be run over by a car going 40 miles an hour. I got lucky I guess, seeing as how I’m now at home writing some things down…

At one point on my usually 5 minute trip home I just felt the need to not get home, in such a way, that I just sat down on the sidewalk. I sat down, and thought about what was bothering me, what had been bothering me for the last couple of days, and I thought about nothingness, and about running away, about going to the river and just clearing my head, about hopping on a train to nowhere and about a lot of other things I think. I was just done with it all. With my day, with myself, wit it all. And at the end of it all, I just wanted to be gone.. away from here, like I have wanted before.

Lately I’ve been feeling shitty, and because of it, I have to get away…